Finishing the Race

My dad and I always joke that sending snail mail back and forth would be just about as fast as the way we communicate now, if not faster. Today, this joke went one (amazing!) step further. I checked my mailbox and found a letter (typed, but still awesome) from my dad. It was a full page, typed in professional memo format and signed in pen at the bottom...yep, definitely my father. The letter contained a detailed update on what was going on in the family-who was beating who in tennis, who was getting married soon, where the next garden adventure will be this year. It's also May, so naturally, there was a paragraph about the Kentucky Derby. I didn't expect anything going into it, but realized pretty fast that this was my dad's way of relaying his life advice.

My dad and I have always had a fascination with horse racing. It started out as something to do in Wichita when our family would go for the day. My sisters and mom would go shopping, and the two of us would go to the dog track and watch horse racing on the TV's. I was that seven year old that all the old men came and talked to, the "cute one" who always got free hot dogs, and the happiest girl in the world. There was just something about the races, and as I got old enough to travel to live tracks, that fascination only grew. There really is nothing like the adrenaline, challenge, and unpredictability of a good horse race. My dad isn't one for talking about serious matters, so he would always sneak in a bit of life advice while advising my horse pickings for the day. Usually it would be something like "Never trust the one who backs out of the gate the first few times," or "Sometimes you have to wait for the two prideful ones to burn out before the real winner takes over." 

Well...that's your little tidbit about my life you didn't need to know! I'll get to my point soon, promise. In this letter, after talking about the Kentucky Derby and how my favorite Arkansas horse was so close to being in it, my dad began to talk about the track itself. The Kentucky Derby isn't a turf race like most million dollar races; it's on the normal track so more horses can fit and the conditions are usually safer for everyone. This year the track conditions weren't the best. They were muddy...and I mean MUDDY. Like, the kind of mud you and I can barely walk through without sinking and barely pulling our foot out with our shoe still attached. After describing the conditions and the details of the race, my wise old man ended the paragraph with another one of his lessons-intended, I'm sure of it. 

You find out which horse has the biggest heart when the mud is flying. 

I know without a doubt that my dad meant this the exact same way I took it. It's easy to run hard when the track is fast, when the ground is solid beneath your feet and everything is going as planned. But when your heart is sinking in your chest, when you feel like someone tore out a piece of you, when you have nothing (and I mean nothing) left, what do you rely on?

There is no guarantee that the track gets better-in fact, a lot of times the mud only thickens. But if we back out before the race ever begins, we automatically lose. If we go into things with half of our hearts, we get no results. It is better to go all in and get stuck in the mud than to have never ran at all, for in running we at least know there is something more. There is something unknown, something better, something created for our individual joy and fulfillment. We may not be able to see it through the haze of fog and swamp of mud, but it IS there.

The mud is flying and it seems like the darkness of this race will never end. Will you finish?

Infinite Worth

As humans, we fail, we fall, we lose hope. We face trials together, and we stand alone through battles that others cannot understand. Often times we are weak, dependent, and unable. But you know what else? We have WORTH. Due to the simple fact that we are children of The King, we have an infinite beauty and goodness that nothing (not even this world) can take away from us.

We are not worthy, but we are by no means worthless.

I will leave you with this song by Matthew West. Listen. Jam. Recognize your worth. Repeat.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8yxnP2ZUXw

Living For The Weekends

When I was recently thinking about what the next few weeks of my life are going to look like, I realized something I  never had before. I'm living for the weekends. And I'm not living for them in the sense that I just don't like schoolwork and I want to go out and have fun for a few days...although that is a bonus. I realized something a little more important than that. 

My faith has been living for the weekends. 

Physically I've been going to daily mass, spending time in prayer, and being around people/going to events that can help shape my faith. I am there, baby! Physically present as ever. But spiritually? You couldn't find me with the best tracking equipment on the planet. I have been absent...completely, totally, awfully absent for the majority of the past few weeks. Occasionally I take time to really pray, really reflect, really care about others. But for the most part I keep my faith buried under walls of solid steel while making sure that I act out the motions flawlessly. But really...what good does that do anyone? Goodness knows it doesn't glorify God, and my selfish attitude sure as heck isn't bringing anyone else along for the ride. 

There is no right time to follow Christ. We either commit or we don't; we go all in or we don't bother going at all. Allow yourself to be present with others, present with yourself, present with Christ.

There is no room for a "weekend only" Christian.

Ker-Plunk

Oh come on, you know what I'm talking about-that sinking feeling we all get in our chests when we just know something isn't right. Like....when that babysitter is about to open the closet door because she thinks she heard a scream on the other side, or( more up my alley) when the speck that holds Whoville gets dropped into a sea of identical ones in Horton Hears a Who. NOOOOOOOOOO! 

Ker-Plunk goes the heart.

We may be small, but we aren't stupid. We know when things aren't right, and often times it's our hearts that tell us-they feel heavy and unsettled by the way things are going. When that ker-plunk of our hearts seem to be echoing in our ears, when it is so easy to dwell on the unsettled feeling inside, when we just want to "fix" everything, there is only one thing to change-and that is the state of our hearts.

Don't dwell on the past or worry about the future. Stop thinking about how you have fallen, or how hard it will be to resist temptation from now on...live in the present. Do what you can to discern and obediently follow God's Will today, and allow tomorrow to take you on a joy ride. You can't fix what may be wrong, but He can; give it up and free your heart. Laugh, sing, dance, allow yourself to be full of joy! It's not in worrying or preparing that we glorify God...it's in living!

Lightheartedness is key. This world is dark and heavy, but the love of God is beautifully light. Let that love fill your heart, lifting you up. Let nothing disturb you to the point of that ker-plunk; allow Christ to relieve that sinking feeling and take you into His arms.

With heavy hearts, how can we expect to soar to Heaven?

A Trail of Worlds

So....for those of you who I haven't seen in a while (which is most of you), let me update you on life real quick.

I am very blessed.

Yep, I think that about covers it. Beautiful friends, wonderful and hilariously entertaining family, and lots of opportunities for growth in so many different ways. It's been the most...uh....interesting few months I've ever had-extremely difficult, extremely different, and exactly what I've needed. I needed to get away from the comfortable bubble I had built in Ark City and into something different...apparently God thought so too ;) Along with all of the new friends, events, clubs and classes going on in good ole Manhattan, I've started doing something else.

 I've started leaving people their own world.

Now yes, it's perfectly alright to wonder at this point if I'm crazy. My answer? ABSOLUTELY. But hey, it makes everything a little more interesting,right?  The whole story about how the idea came about is a pretty long one that honestly makes a lot more sense in my head than anywhere else, but after a few years has now found it's way as a daily part of my life.

I have a few notepads shaped like the globe. They're all different shapes and sizes, all different colors, and,best of all,they are blank on the back. Perfect place to leave a hand-written note or quote....YES! So I leave a trail of worlds behind me on a daily basis. I try my best to leave 3 a day in random places-in a study alcove at the library, at a table in the coffee shop, sitting randomly in some quiet part of the dorms. I try to leave something positive, but not necessarily religious. Whether it's a pick-me-up quote, a part of some good song lyrics, or a homemade coupon for a pre-paid Radina's cup of coffee, I hope that the worlds show whoever receives them half as much as they have shown me in giving them.

My point of this post is not to brag, and it's not to spoil your confusion as to who left you a paper world if you ever find  one on a table in a coffee shop. I promise.  My point is this: It's the little things. It's a crazy world. It teaches us to seek emptiness, to only care about ourselves, and to do anything and everything we can to make sure our own little world is exactly the way we want it to be. Well, friends, I call B-O-L-O-G-N-A. Serve. Serve with everything you are, and give in the little things each day. It doesn't have to be on paper, it doesn't have to be out loud, it doesn't even have to be seen. I leave worlds so that people might think a little bit outside their own. As hard as it may be, serving daily can be summed up in one sentence:

Do something, give everything, and expect nothing in return. 

The Great Balancing Act

We think the opposite of pride is humility; this isn't true. The opposite of pride is despair. Pride is putting ourselves so high that none, even God, can reach us. Despair is burying ourselves so low that none, even God, can save us.

There is a beautiful balancing act between these, a solid soul for pure souls to stand on-the fertile soil of humility.

Humility is realizing that God is greater, and we ourselves will never reach that height. It is at the same time placing ourselves below others in order to serve Christ through them. Humility is burying ourselves deep enough to realize only God can truly reach us. It is burying the part of us full of sin, pride, envy.

Humility is the only firm ground upon which to stand in this great balancing act. Pride tips the scales one way, despair the other.

May you find joy, peace, and contentment in the middle.

Seek Ye First

"But seek first the kingdom [of God] and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides." ~Matt 6:33


Have you ever thought that everyone seeks the kingdom somehow? Even those who have no idea who Christ is search for something more. We all want what this Earth can't give us, we all want what we can't create ourselves. We all want the kingdom of God, and every single one of us tries to find that glory somehow. Some of us search in churches, some of us in service to others, some in the satisfaction of a job well done or a successful career. And still more of us focus on building ourselves up so high that we eventually reach the glory we think we deserve.

We all search for the kingdom somehow, whether we realize it or not. But even those of us who are consciously striving for holiness often forget a part of the passage above. Seek FIRST the kingdom of God. Seek first His glory, His power, His love above all else. Everything else is insignificant, regardless of how much emphasis the world may put on them.

Do not seek their kingdom (the opinion of others), for it only causes hurt, envy, despair, pride.
Do not seek your kingdom (self-satisfaction), because with it comes loneliness, emptiness, longing.
Seek His kingdom, complete with the unfailing love and the true glory that every heart desires.

Flee from the darkness of this world and run towards the light. For once we see that glory, everything else is beautifully illuminated.