Running In The Right Direction

This summer has been a tremendous learning experience for me. Unlike most students my age, I haven't learned many valuable career skills or interacted with loads of new people; in fact, I wasn't even technically employed. But what I have learned is so much more important; I've learned loads about myself and the way I handle the world around me-even (and especially) when things are most difficult. What I've seen in myself over the past few months certainly hasn't been all good, and, as always, there is room for growth.

Most recently, I have realized the need for stillness in my life. To me, "stillness" used to mean forcing myself to physically slow down, to pull away from my commitments and remind myself to breathe every once in a while. Lately, I've had so much freedom with my time that physical busyness hasn't been a problem. Mental busyness, on the other hand, has become the thing I most struggle with.

I run from God. I run from His love, mercy, peace. I run from the one who created us, loves us more than life itself, and makes me whole. It's a stupid, selfish, and ridiculous way of handling the problems of this world, but I run. Since God isn't here for me to physically avoid, I mentally block Him. Even when I have time to myself or in a small group (which would normally energize me), I make sure my mind is so occupied that there is no room for Christ in my thoughts, much less in my heart. I run from the stillness that allows beauty in.

Enough about me. I have a news flash for you; you run too. We all run at some point-for different reasons and in different ways, but we all do it. We may run through addictions, physical or mental busyness, or a million other avenues. We may not even realize at the time what we are doing, but the wounds we constantly discover in ourselves prove otherwise. Believing lies about ourselves, refusing to give thanks, choosing the easy way instead of the right one....we all run. We all break, we're all wounded.

God shouldn't love us. He shouldn't welcome us back as sinners, shouldn't have mercy on us, and certainly shouldn't love us for our brokenness. It isn't logical. He loves us not in spite of our wounds, but because of them. A love like that isn't logical. It's beautiful.

Among all of the running, one thing holds true. We won't find healing in running from Christ; we find it in running towards Him.