How Are You

"How are you?"

Just three words: three words that are spoken at the beginning of just about every type of conversation. We probably hear the phrase at least once every single day of our lives. My answers typically range from "great" to "fine," and that's the end of it. Funny.....I don't know about you, but sometimes I feel like I would give anything for someone to really ask how I was doing.

Last weekend, I was blessed with an awesome 24 hour mini-roadtrip to Wichita. I got to hear a friend play in his jazz combo, spend some quality time with Jesus, and spend some time with a few of my sisters in Christ. Wonderful weekend? Perfect timing? I think so :) You see, I am a MASTER at hiding what's going on in my life (I definitely should have been in some high school plays). I've become scary good at putting on a happy face for other people and faking my way through the day. But lately, I've been trying to put on a happy face for God.....I would advise not trying that-it doesn't work out too well ;) Friday night I finished listening to Daniel's jazz combo and skipped out a little early. I probably could have stayed longer to chat/eat/catch up, but I wasn't really feeling in the mood for that. I'd planned on going to adoration anyways, and I figured then was just as good a time as any to head that direction.

I got to St. Jude's at 9:45.........I left Saint Jude's at 11:40. During those two hours, the roof didn't shake, there were no voices, and there was no cool theme music. I sat, I prayed, I read, and I thought. But I sat in His presence, I prayed for His healing, I read about holy men and women, and I thought about His Love. I was unmasked; all my fears and all my loneliness laid on the altar before Him. I finally admitted how I was really doing. As for the rest of the weekend....it was amazing. Good hugs, great conversations, beautiful people :) It wouldn't have worked out at all, had I still had a closed off heart.

Moral of Ellen's random story: Tell God how you really are. It's not like He doesn't know already ;)

May you continue to grow in His Love, and accept His healing.

Without Words

Lately, it seems like I've been put into situations where I'm listening to others....a lot. I absolutely love that, because I tend to be a horrible person to talk with/give advice about anything more serious than the weather. And honestly, whatever I may be going through is usually nothing compared to those around me. So, I listen. Lately, the theme of many of these conversations has been hurt.

I'm trying my best to be His instrument through what I say in these conversations, but that's definitely something I'm still working on. I tend to listen quitely in the corner,my brain and heart running wild, and my mouth shut. This failing connection continually turns "You are a beautiful daughter of the King, and He created you with a greater purpose" into "It's gonna be fine." This lack of courage hasn't been helping those around me. I know that they need something more, and I've been trying to show them that. But I have been being reminded of something:

Words can only do so much-even if we have the courage to say everything that's on our hearts and in our minds. Sometimes (most times, in fact), they just aren't enough. Prayer is. Think about it: who could help heal us better than the one who created us? We don't know exactly what others need, but He does. There will be times when we just don't know what else to do for those around us. So we lift up our hearts to Him in prayer, crying out for our brothers and sisters who need Love. A simple text message that says "I'm praying for you," a few seconds of prayerful silence in the midst of a crazy day, or a small sacrifice can make a bigger difference than we may ever imagine.

We are all called to be His instrument, but beautiful music doesn't always require words.

Beautiful Things

Speaks for itself. He turns the things of this broken world into something beautiful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qO_19J6rJQk

Burying Talents

Random interactive blog moment: Get out your bible. Find Matthew chapter 25. Read verses 14-30....please :) Or, if you've gone to mass this weekend, think about the gospel. Ok, got it? Good. Let me let you in on a little (not-so-secret) secret:

My name is Ellen Walker, and I have a knack for burying my talents.

How appropriate that I heard this passage read tonight in mass, eh? Yeah...God has excellent timing. Because that's basically what I've been doing all year-burying my God-given talents and trying to trade them out for the ones I would choose.I have a contagious personality. Now, that contagiousness can be good or bad, depending on what day you ask. Whether it's a large group I'm working with, a small group at school, or just a few friends, my mood often becomes the mood of everyone else. It seems like I'm always the one who gets asked to give the welcome at events, speak during presentations, or plan what my friends and I will do next weekend. It's not that I don't enjoy doing all of these things-I do! But I don't always want to be in the spotlight. I don't always want to be the one in the front of the room addressing the crowd. Sometimes, I'd really like to serve behind the scenes, unseen. I enjoy sooooo much the opportunities where I've been able to do that. I want so bad to be a silent reflection of Love that sometimes I forget I've been given the ability to speak.

I get caught up in the mind frame of being bothersome. I try to figure things out on my own because I don't want to annoy others. I can turn a 10 minute task into a 45 minute one because I refuse to "bug" someone and ask for help. I end up canceling evenings in Wichita with friends (who may need me), because I simply don't want to ask to crash at their place.

God gave me a talent for people,and a personality that usually meshes well with others. Why waste that gift? I realize that I don't always have to be talking, but I need to say something. I need to be praying for those around me, but I also need to be present in their lives. I don't need to criticize, but I do need to hold others accountable for their actions. I don't have to be silent, but I must always be reflecting His Love.

We can't just ignore what we've been given-because whether we appreciate our gifts or not, we have them for a reason. We may crack a much-needed cheesy joke at just the right time, help someone by listening, or save a life by holding a friend accountable. Thank God for humor, willing ears, and bravery of heart. We don't (and will never) know why we've been given the gifts that we have. But you know what? That doesn't mean we shouldn't use them. If anything, it should make us want to use them more. Every moment brings with it an opportunity to reflect something greater than ourselves; to multiply our talents for the one who chose them, and to change hearts along the way.

Well,I didn't mean for this post to be this long, but sometimes my brain moves really fast-forgive me! :P Anywho....may you always remember to serve with everything you are and with the talents you've been given. Multiply them for that awesome guy who made us. Peace!

Imperfect Does Not Mean Worthless

Let me paint a mental picture of my current surroundings for you: I'm sitting here on my living room floor with a half-functioning laptop, tons of homework that needs to be done, a blanket that smells like dog, and a cup of cold hot chocolate. I'm staring out my window at the rain gushing out of our too-full gutters, and a gray cloudy sky of emptiness.

Let me paint you God's mental picture of my current surroundings:I'm sitting here in my favorite pair of sweats and FFA hoodie, contemplating/writing because I'm visiting KSU tomorrow,so I have no homework. I'm sitting on my favorite homemade rubber ducky blanket, and drinking my first cup of hot chocolate of the year. I'm looking out my window at the much-needed blessing of rain, and a sky full of wonder and beauty.

Little bit of a difference, eh? Just like the difference between what we see in ourselves and others, and what God sees in us all. Today, I got a nice little Holy-Spirit drop kick on the way to school when this popped into my brain:Imperfect does not mean worthless. Let me repeat that for you:

Imperfect does NOT mean worthless.

I am so sick of seeing those around me focus only on imperfections, and not true worth. "My mom won't stop nagging me!" "I'm not good enough to ever have a boyfriend/girlfriend." "I'm not pretty enough to wear that dress." "I'm not smart enough for that class." "There's nothing I can do." Really? REALLY?

I know it's hard-believe me I do. I struggle with true worth about as much as anyone else does. This world teaches us to strive for perfection...in the wrong areas. We're supposed to have the perfect body, the perfect date, the perfect job, and the perfect life. But what's that worth? If we achieve every single one of those things, we'll be worth a billion dollars. After death. Then, will it matter?

We have a God who loves us. He loves us enough to send His only son down to die for us, so that we might have a chance to live in the fullness of His Love forever. He loves us enough to send His Spirit down to guide us always. He loves us enough to give himself again every time the mass is said; to be on display 24 hours a day all over the world for us to go and spend time with the one who loves us most. He loved us enough to CREATE us!

If you were the most magnificent artist that ever walked this planet, would you make something useless with the clay you were given? Geez....you'd make something beautiful. Not perfect, but beautiful. You would make something to call your own. Something worthwhile.

Just as God sees beyond the dog smell of my blanket and the lack of heat in my cup of hot chocolate, he sees past our imperfections. He sees past our fear, doubt, frizzy hair, and smelly feet...and you know what? He sees WORTH. He sees a beautiful heart and a soul full of potential. We will never be perfect. We are human. But you know what? We're worth something. Every single detail of our heart,mind,body,and soul was carefully crafted with a Love beyond anything we could ever imagine.

IMPERFECT DOES NOT MEAN WORTHLESS.

May you continue to strive for perfection in the eyes of our Creator, and never stop letting Him Love you.

Criss-Cross-Applesauce Love

Ahhh....love. What a wonderful wonderful weekend it's been already! And there's still most of my favorite day to go, too! :) Love.......love.....love. God loves us so unbelievably much.

Yesterday was our region CYM rally, our county 4H achievement night, and my sister's basketball game-all of which I had helped plan/made promises to little sisters to be at. Well I've been blessed with the ability to multi-task with the best of 'em. If there is a possible way to be in two places at once, I would have figured it out by now! The timing was perfect so that I could get to all three and do what I needed to do-whether that was cheer on my little sister for the first time all season, set up a pumpkin obstacle course for our rally, or change into a skirt and practice the script for an awards banquet. Isn't God good? I drove to Derby, back to Udall for awards, back to Derby for clean-up, and finally home. Driving + Praying = Happiness! I also had enough time to swing by the new St. Mary's Parish and go to confession-something I don't make time for near enough. It was even with a priest I'm not familiar with, which means I got new advice/a different penance. OHHHHH YEAAAAAH (just act like I said that in a sweet kool-aid man voice ;)). Along with all of this, I even got the opportunity to spend some much-needed extra time with Christ.

St. Michael's in Mulvane has one of my favorite adoration chapels ever. In fact, I borrowed the lock code from a friend of mine a couple of years ago, and I still use it whenever I go through Mulvane. I love that chapel because it reminds me of a bedroom. It's so comfortable, with blankets, couches, and books strewn on random kneelers/chairs. It's awesome. (Ok, I do admit I may have a slight obsession with perpetual adoration chapels....but I blame it on the fact that we only have adoration once a week). Anywho, in Mulvane there's this wonderful home-like feel. Then at the front is Jesus-beautiful, holy, and completely present. On either side of Him are two statues of archangels, bent down protecting their king. Amazing, much? Basically the whole chapel makes me feel like I'm at home, and nothing can tear me away from Christ. So last night, I stopped by on my way home from Derby at about 9:45. I had a wonderful conversation with a lady that I met, and she decided she was gonna head out and leave me to have some "peaceful time alone" before her replacement came. For the next 15 minutes I sat criss-cross-applesauce on the floor of my favorite adoration chapel in the world, listening to Jesus tell me He loved me, and inviting me to come to Him :)

Moral of that long rambling story: Next time you get the chance, go sit criss-cross-applesauce and look up at the person who loves you more than anyone else.

Christ loves us. Despite everything we do or don't do for Him. He loves us.

May you never forget that infinite Love, and continue to spread it throughout your life. Peace!