Ringing in 2012

Hmm....it's 2012. I've never really been one of those people who makes a big deal out of New Years Eve. I mean, don't get me wrong-I do enjoy certain parts of the holiday. I love that everyone seems to be so positive about life, and so excited about self-improvement. I guess what I've never really understood is why people think things like this only need to come around once a year. Our clocks strike midnight every 24 hours; it's not like we repeat the same day 365 times each year. Each day is a chance to start over, to make a difference, and to better ourselves. Each day brings with it the opportunity to live out our faith even more than the one before. So why wait for a whole new year?

It's 1:45 a.m on January 1st. What have I done with the night, you might ask? I spent it with my little sister. The new Just Dance game for the Wii, popcorn, and the must-have for all New Years Eve get-togethers...sparkling grape juice! I showed her up with my amazing (or not so amazing...) dance skills, listened to her crack jokes about everything that came on TV, and ate our favorite meal of popcorn and juice. It was an unusually quiet, simple, uneventful evening. But you know what? There's no place on this planet I would have rather been.

If I had to pick one word to describe everything I've learned this past year, or what I hope to do in the future, it would be:
Simplify

Such a small word that can be applied to just about everything in our lives. Simplify our budgets, so we don't worry so much about payments. Simplify our eating habits or our workouts, in order to stay healthier and feel better. Simplify our spiritual lives, so that our prayers become an ongoing conversation. Sometimes, less really is more. Tonight, I was reminded that I don't need crowds of people or fancy resolutions to be happy. I need to take life as it comes, strive to live out my faith more each day, and let the One who loves me most hold me always in His arms. Thank you Lord, for your daily reminders of Love.

May you have a peaceful, simple beginning to the year, taking life one day at a time. Grace to you, and peace!

Yay Treasure Boxes!

The past 24 hours, I had the chance to go to a Totus Tuus camp reunion lock-in in Wichita. Before we got started with the shenanigans, we kicked off the night with mass, evening prayer, and a penance service. Grace, grace, grace....AWESOME. So, this penance service:

We had the option of going face-to-face or behind the screen. Me being, well, me, I automatically decide I'm going behind the screen. But as I sat in adoration examining my conscience and reflecting on how strong I felt after my last confession, something told me to go face-to-face. So I went through all the usual "this is what I can remember" thing. Then I actually started talking to the man sitting in front of me-about my life, about my struggles, about why I'd been having trouble. Basically, I said something like my life is easy compared to what those around me are going through. I'm praying for them, but sometimes it's hard for me to just let God take control of the uncontrollable, and trust that He'll take care of them. We talked about Mary for a bit, and then came His response to my "boohoo my life is so easy" rambling:


Store these things away in the treasure box of your soul. There will be a time when you have nothing to rely on but faith alone. Cherish the details, and keep these good times for when you need them most.


We've all been through times where literally the only thing carrying us through was our blind faith. Our faiths are built up by those moments of assurance. Faith is built in those moments of Love, when we see clearly His call and are surrounded by brothers and sisters willing to help us follow it. So what happens when the going gets tough? Dig deep into that treasure box of your soul. Remember why you even care about faith in the first place. Remember that there are people out there supporting you in prayer and sacrifice, and a God that will NEVER leave your side.



May our treasure boxes be full, and remind us that what we need is the treasure Himself.

Confession is the World's Best Windex!

The Christmas season seems to have snuck up on me more than ever this year. It was just September, and then...WHAM! It's Advent. What happened?! This year, I've actually been preparing spiritually for Christmas, instead of preparing materially (I've actually been horrible about buying family gifts on time!) And......it's wonderful :) I've been fairly busy lately with the random activities of life, as well as school up to 3:15 yesterday. Now, here in Ark City, America, we like to do things as far from normal as possible (and now you know why this is where I'm from...). This includes ending our semester in Mid-January. So....school up to the 20th of December without any finals or anything of the sort to give us closure on the semester. Instead, we just make sure there isn't a single ounce of sanity left in the building by the time that final bell rings! Oh man! I promise I don't mean to ramble, it's just been a really good day, and a long time since I've shared my thoughts on how wonderful life is ;)

I don't really understand our society's crazy obsession with things. I mean, I do have those few things that I really enjoy getting and/or use a lot of. But for the most part, it doesn't make sense to me. My mom is sooooo annoyed with the fact that I have no ideas of what I want for her to share with my extended family. I keep telling her all I can think of is Tangled, and a stocking full of fuzzy socks, lint rollers, and gum. She laughs every time, but I'm serious! I seem to have found a lot of comfort in having little lately. In a way, it means we have more to give.

Even on a non-spiritual level, Christmas still means more than presents. It means cooking and eating lots of homemade food, spending time with some friends and family we may not get to see very often, and sitting back and enjoying all we have. I was reminded of this last one a few days ago, when I helped out with an adopt-a-family project for our region CYM board. We spent the day shopping, getting to know each other better, driving/getting lost in Wichita looking for Sister, and just enjoying each others company. That evening we were able to go to the family's house, deliver the presents, and sing a few songs for them. It definitely was a "Woah, I'm so blessed!" moment. This Christmas, enjoy what you have, and take nothing for granted.

Deep breath and.....my brain may or may not stop spazzing soon. You should get a gold star if you make it to the end of this thing!

Last weekend, I went to mass on Saturday. I deliberately made up an excuse to be out of my house early and meet my family there, so I could go to confession beforehand. I hadn't gone in a long time, and I had not really been myself in a while, either. Normally I wouldn't think of going to confession as a way to feel more like myself, but that's really all I wanted to do this time, so I went. And along with the giddy joyfulness and peace that comes with a clean soul, I experienced something else. I felt whole again. More whole than I had felt in a really, really, really, really, really long time. It was beautiful :) We are here on Earth as mirrors of His Love, but sometimes we let that mirror get way too dirty. We stop reflecting His light, and show instead only darkness. With His forgiveness, we are made clean. Spotless. Shiny. A brilliant reflection of Love. Confession is the world's best windex! I recommend you participate in this wonderful sacrament the next time the chance is presented. Even if you're convinced you aren't broken, your heart may tell you otherwise once it's complete.

May you find the missing pieces of your heart lying in a manger this Christmas season. Grace to you, and peace!

Weekend Plans

Love is wonderful. Oh, how I missed feeling so content! Funny how much of God you see everywhere when you let Him in ;) Today was AWESOME. This weekend? Planned to be even better!

Let me run down today for you real fast: My day started off playing an hour's worth of amazing jazz music for some amazing middle school students/faculty with some of the most amazing people and musicians I know. Not to mention amazing donuts. My first class of the day was....amazing! We also experimented with some new equipment-arranging techniques in our cars. Let's just say I felt like I could conquer the world. My granny car ("The Woman") was fully loaded down-a trunk packed with random sound equipment and a backseat double-stacked with bari's (humongous saxaphones). It was epic! Then came the rest of school, including a lab in my favorite class (Chem II-yes, I'm that nerdy) that left random parts of my hand stained yellow with iodine. This resulted in some hilarious reactions from some of my non-chem classmates. Best part of today? Having a mini spaz attack at 5:45 this morning when realizing I have nothing I absolutely have to go to this weekend. Oh, I have plenty to do, and I'll be busy-but not stressfully so. God takes pretty good care of me :)

I haven't felt like myself in a looooong time. Battles of self-worth, fear, doubt, and hopelessness seem to have taken up a lot of my past few weeks. I'm beginning to feel more like me. I'm beginning to see again the gifts that He constantly showers me with, and the beauty of His creation-including me. So what in the world happened between the two? Yesterday happened, which included breaking down, crying out for help, and surrendering to His Love. Funny how that works ;) Imagine what would happen if we did that every day! The One who created the stars, the sunrise, the earth, and everyone on it might actually know what He's doing. What???!!!! Yeah....I'd heard that before today, too. Just thought I'd remind you.

I am so excited for this weekend! Tonight, I'm going to watch my sister sing at her chior concert with my grandma. Then I'm throwing myself a Tangled movie night! After multiple attempts at Redbox (which is the only video anything we have in town anymore), I finally found a machine that had this movie in stock. Worthy of a smile and a jump for joy? I think so! Tommorrow shall consist of a park clean-up with a friend as her project for her leadership class, and a birthday bonfire tommorrow evening. In between? Scholarships, scholarships, and maybe a scholarship application or two. Sunday? Mass.....WOOHOO! I haven't been excited about mass in a while-it feels good :) And after some quality time with Jesus, the homework shall begin. Calculus, chemistry, english, and random FFA articles/thank you's I need to write. I'm sure there will be a nap or two involved as well, and a walk, of course ;) In short....a blessed, blessed weekend I feel coming on. Thank you, Lord, for taking care of me always.

May you feel His loving arms around you, and know that you are loved. Peace!

"Lord, Guard My Heart"

The last couple of weeks I've been realizing the importance of the simple prayer:

"Lord, guard my heart."

For the month or so before this, I felt like I was constantly losing it over the smallest, everyday things. If someone looked at me wrong, if my list wasn't quite accomplished at the end of the day,or if I fell short of perfect in any way, shape, or form, I was done. I usually consider myself a pretty rational person, but I was falling apart at everything. If this had gone on for one more day, I probably would have had a complete meltdown. But-as always-He took care of me in just the knick of time. I'm not really sure when the Spirit planted this handy dandy little prayer into my mind, but it sure is useful beyond words :) It seems like I was being especially sensitive to what people say around me, and to the obvious hurting of others. But I was being completely and totally oblivious to the voice of Christ calling out all around me. People needed me, and I was so worried about the insignificant little things in my own life that I was ignoring that need.

The voices we hear surrounding us aren't what they sound like. They sound like complaints, they sound like disrespect, and they sound like all-around hopelessness. But what they really are is a cry for help. Our neighbors are calling out for an open ear, honest advice, or someone to be there as a true friend. They need someone to show them the beauty of faith, the never-ending hope, and the unfailing love of Christ. That someone is YOU.

We must guard our hearts against the things of this world.Instead of getting discouraged by the dirty jokes, gossip, and technology that's always bombarding us, we need to pray for purity of mind, understanding, and peace for our neighbors. We've got to stop simply hearing others, and start listening. What those around us are saying is nothing compared to what Christ is saying through them. It's a call to love beyond anything we can imagine,

May you continue to guard your hearts this Advent season, in preparation for something better.

"I have told you this so that you might have peace in me. In the world you will have trouble, but take courage, I have conquered the world." ~John 16:33

How Are You

"How are you?"

Just three words: three words that are spoken at the beginning of just about every type of conversation. We probably hear the phrase at least once every single day of our lives. My answers typically range from "great" to "fine," and that's the end of it. Funny.....I don't know about you, but sometimes I feel like I would give anything for someone to really ask how I was doing.

Last weekend, I was blessed with an awesome 24 hour mini-roadtrip to Wichita. I got to hear a friend play in his jazz combo, spend some quality time with Jesus, and spend some time with a few of my sisters in Christ. Wonderful weekend? Perfect timing? I think so :) You see, I am a MASTER at hiding what's going on in my life (I definitely should have been in some high school plays). I've become scary good at putting on a happy face for other people and faking my way through the day. But lately, I've been trying to put on a happy face for God.....I would advise not trying that-it doesn't work out too well ;) Friday night I finished listening to Daniel's jazz combo and skipped out a little early. I probably could have stayed longer to chat/eat/catch up, but I wasn't really feeling in the mood for that. I'd planned on going to adoration anyways, and I figured then was just as good a time as any to head that direction.

I got to St. Jude's at 9:45.........I left Saint Jude's at 11:40. During those two hours, the roof didn't shake, there were no voices, and there was no cool theme music. I sat, I prayed, I read, and I thought. But I sat in His presence, I prayed for His healing, I read about holy men and women, and I thought about His Love. I was unmasked; all my fears and all my loneliness laid on the altar before Him. I finally admitted how I was really doing. As for the rest of the weekend....it was amazing. Good hugs, great conversations, beautiful people :) It wouldn't have worked out at all, had I still had a closed off heart.

Moral of Ellen's random story: Tell God how you really are. It's not like He doesn't know already ;)

May you continue to grow in His Love, and accept His healing.

Without Words

Lately, it seems like I've been put into situations where I'm listening to others....a lot. I absolutely love that, because I tend to be a horrible person to talk with/give advice about anything more serious than the weather. And honestly, whatever I may be going through is usually nothing compared to those around me. So, I listen. Lately, the theme of many of these conversations has been hurt.

I'm trying my best to be His instrument through what I say in these conversations, but that's definitely something I'm still working on. I tend to listen quitely in the corner,my brain and heart running wild, and my mouth shut. This failing connection continually turns "You are a beautiful daughter of the King, and He created you with a greater purpose" into "It's gonna be fine." This lack of courage hasn't been helping those around me. I know that they need something more, and I've been trying to show them that. But I have been being reminded of something:

Words can only do so much-even if we have the courage to say everything that's on our hearts and in our minds. Sometimes (most times, in fact), they just aren't enough. Prayer is. Think about it: who could help heal us better than the one who created us? We don't know exactly what others need, but He does. There will be times when we just don't know what else to do for those around us. So we lift up our hearts to Him in prayer, crying out for our brothers and sisters who need Love. A simple text message that says "I'm praying for you," a few seconds of prayerful silence in the midst of a crazy day, or a small sacrifice can make a bigger difference than we may ever imagine.

We are all called to be His instrument, but beautiful music doesn't always require words.

Beautiful Things

Speaks for itself. He turns the things of this broken world into something beautiful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qO_19J6rJQk

Burying Talents

Random interactive blog moment: Get out your bible. Find Matthew chapter 25. Read verses 14-30....please :) Or, if you've gone to mass this weekend, think about the gospel. Ok, got it? Good. Let me let you in on a little (not-so-secret) secret:

My name is Ellen Walker, and I have a knack for burying my talents.

How appropriate that I heard this passage read tonight in mass, eh? Yeah...God has excellent timing. Because that's basically what I've been doing all year-burying my God-given talents and trying to trade them out for the ones I would choose.I have a contagious personality. Now, that contagiousness can be good or bad, depending on what day you ask. Whether it's a large group I'm working with, a small group at school, or just a few friends, my mood often becomes the mood of everyone else. It seems like I'm always the one who gets asked to give the welcome at events, speak during presentations, or plan what my friends and I will do next weekend. It's not that I don't enjoy doing all of these things-I do! But I don't always want to be in the spotlight. I don't always want to be the one in the front of the room addressing the crowd. Sometimes, I'd really like to serve behind the scenes, unseen. I enjoy sooooo much the opportunities where I've been able to do that. I want so bad to be a silent reflection of Love that sometimes I forget I've been given the ability to speak.

I get caught up in the mind frame of being bothersome. I try to figure things out on my own because I don't want to annoy others. I can turn a 10 minute task into a 45 minute one because I refuse to "bug" someone and ask for help. I end up canceling evenings in Wichita with friends (who may need me), because I simply don't want to ask to crash at their place.

God gave me a talent for people,and a personality that usually meshes well with others. Why waste that gift? I realize that I don't always have to be talking, but I need to say something. I need to be praying for those around me, but I also need to be present in their lives. I don't need to criticize, but I do need to hold others accountable for their actions. I don't have to be silent, but I must always be reflecting His Love.

We can't just ignore what we've been given-because whether we appreciate our gifts or not, we have them for a reason. We may crack a much-needed cheesy joke at just the right time, help someone by listening, or save a life by holding a friend accountable. Thank God for humor, willing ears, and bravery of heart. We don't (and will never) know why we've been given the gifts that we have. But you know what? That doesn't mean we shouldn't use them. If anything, it should make us want to use them more. Every moment brings with it an opportunity to reflect something greater than ourselves; to multiply our talents for the one who chose them, and to change hearts along the way.

Well,I didn't mean for this post to be this long, but sometimes my brain moves really fast-forgive me! :P Anywho....may you always remember to serve with everything you are and with the talents you've been given. Multiply them for that awesome guy who made us. Peace!

Imperfect Does Not Mean Worthless

Let me paint a mental picture of my current surroundings for you: I'm sitting here on my living room floor with a half-functioning laptop, tons of homework that needs to be done, a blanket that smells like dog, and a cup of cold hot chocolate. I'm staring out my window at the rain gushing out of our too-full gutters, and a gray cloudy sky of emptiness.

Let me paint you God's mental picture of my current surroundings:I'm sitting here in my favorite pair of sweats and FFA hoodie, contemplating/writing because I'm visiting KSU tomorrow,so I have no homework. I'm sitting on my favorite homemade rubber ducky blanket, and drinking my first cup of hot chocolate of the year. I'm looking out my window at the much-needed blessing of rain, and a sky full of wonder and beauty.

Little bit of a difference, eh? Just like the difference between what we see in ourselves and others, and what God sees in us all. Today, I got a nice little Holy-Spirit drop kick on the way to school when this popped into my brain:Imperfect does not mean worthless. Let me repeat that for you:

Imperfect does NOT mean worthless.

I am so sick of seeing those around me focus only on imperfections, and not true worth. "My mom won't stop nagging me!" "I'm not good enough to ever have a boyfriend/girlfriend." "I'm not pretty enough to wear that dress." "I'm not smart enough for that class." "There's nothing I can do." Really? REALLY?

I know it's hard-believe me I do. I struggle with true worth about as much as anyone else does. This world teaches us to strive for perfection...in the wrong areas. We're supposed to have the perfect body, the perfect date, the perfect job, and the perfect life. But what's that worth? If we achieve every single one of those things, we'll be worth a billion dollars. After death. Then, will it matter?

We have a God who loves us. He loves us enough to send His only son down to die for us, so that we might have a chance to live in the fullness of His Love forever. He loves us enough to send His Spirit down to guide us always. He loves us enough to give himself again every time the mass is said; to be on display 24 hours a day all over the world for us to go and spend time with the one who loves us most. He loved us enough to CREATE us!

If you were the most magnificent artist that ever walked this planet, would you make something useless with the clay you were given? Geez....you'd make something beautiful. Not perfect, but beautiful. You would make something to call your own. Something worthwhile.

Just as God sees beyond the dog smell of my blanket and the lack of heat in my cup of hot chocolate, he sees past our imperfections. He sees past our fear, doubt, frizzy hair, and smelly feet...and you know what? He sees WORTH. He sees a beautiful heart and a soul full of potential. We will never be perfect. We are human. But you know what? We're worth something. Every single detail of our heart,mind,body,and soul was carefully crafted with a Love beyond anything we could ever imagine.

IMPERFECT DOES NOT MEAN WORTHLESS.

May you continue to strive for perfection in the eyes of our Creator, and never stop letting Him Love you.

Criss-Cross-Applesauce Love

Ahhh....love. What a wonderful wonderful weekend it's been already! And there's still most of my favorite day to go, too! :) Love.......love.....love. God loves us so unbelievably much.

Yesterday was our region CYM rally, our county 4H achievement night, and my sister's basketball game-all of which I had helped plan/made promises to little sisters to be at. Well I've been blessed with the ability to multi-task with the best of 'em. If there is a possible way to be in two places at once, I would have figured it out by now! The timing was perfect so that I could get to all three and do what I needed to do-whether that was cheer on my little sister for the first time all season, set up a pumpkin obstacle course for our rally, or change into a skirt and practice the script for an awards banquet. Isn't God good? I drove to Derby, back to Udall for awards, back to Derby for clean-up, and finally home. Driving + Praying = Happiness! I also had enough time to swing by the new St. Mary's Parish and go to confession-something I don't make time for near enough. It was even with a priest I'm not familiar with, which means I got new advice/a different penance. OHHHHH YEAAAAAH (just act like I said that in a sweet kool-aid man voice ;)). Along with all of this, I even got the opportunity to spend some much-needed extra time with Christ.

St. Michael's in Mulvane has one of my favorite adoration chapels ever. In fact, I borrowed the lock code from a friend of mine a couple of years ago, and I still use it whenever I go through Mulvane. I love that chapel because it reminds me of a bedroom. It's so comfortable, with blankets, couches, and books strewn on random kneelers/chairs. It's awesome. (Ok, I do admit I may have a slight obsession with perpetual adoration chapels....but I blame it on the fact that we only have adoration once a week). Anywho, in Mulvane there's this wonderful home-like feel. Then at the front is Jesus-beautiful, holy, and completely present. On either side of Him are two statues of archangels, bent down protecting their king. Amazing, much? Basically the whole chapel makes me feel like I'm at home, and nothing can tear me away from Christ. So last night, I stopped by on my way home from Derby at about 9:45. I had a wonderful conversation with a lady that I met, and she decided she was gonna head out and leave me to have some "peaceful time alone" before her replacement came. For the next 15 minutes I sat criss-cross-applesauce on the floor of my favorite adoration chapel in the world, listening to Jesus tell me He loved me, and inviting me to come to Him :)

Moral of that long rambling story: Next time you get the chance, go sit criss-cross-applesauce and look up at the person who loves you more than anyone else.

Christ loves us. Despite everything we do or don't do for Him. He loves us.

May you never forget that infinite Love, and continue to spread it throughout your life. Peace!

Without Ceasing...The Sequel!

Oh boy, has it been a crazy couple of weeks! I've had a million little ups and downs myself, but more importantly I've witnessed a lot of those ups and downs with my peers. I've been there through (and sometimes joined in) the laughing, crying, jumping, screaming, confusion, hurting, chaos, and peace of those around me. I mean, I've always done this with those close to me, but I'm usually a pretty private person (I know, I know, shocking!). However, I've been realizing how much I've been missing. There has been so much going on in the lives of others around me, and I never even noticed, nor did I care. Thank you Lord, for opening my eyes.

The main thing I've been thinking about lately is hurt. This world is horribly, horribly broken. There are people everywhere who see their situation as hopeless. I'm pretty sure I've prayed harder and more fervently for others in the past two or three weeks than I ever have in my entire life. It's a beautiful thing, prayer is! But that's all I've been doing-praying. Not that praying isn't ridiculously amazing and powerful-because it is. But I've been saying rosaries, chaplets, and throwing in some other favorite prayers of mine here and there. I've been physically praying, but I haven't really been praying through my actions. One of my favorite verses is this one- I know I put it on my last blog, but I'd like to explain a but more. It's from 1 Thessalonians 5:17.

"Pray without ceasing."

Ceasing...as in stopping. So, never stopping? Right. No reason to lock ourselves in our house and do nothing but pray. There's no reason to cancel all our plans and avoid daily life so we can pray for this world. Prayer through action is a crazy powerful thing. Take the long way home so you can say a couple of extra prayers for the girl who's too scared to break up with her abusive boyfriend. Instead of pigging out on cookies or birthday cake you really don't need, eat some fruit or some yogurt for those kids down the street who don't know what to do because they really have no parents anymore. Joyfully bear the crosses of your daily life, so that those who have lost hope may begin to see the dawn breaking before them. We don't heal the brokenness of this world by hiding from it. We step out in faith, knowing that He has conquered the things of this world once, and He will do it again.

Peace!

Without Ceasing

I'm not even going to begin to write about my week write now, because I am beyond exhausted in every aspect-physically, mentally, emotionally, and most of all spiritually. These last few days-because of the hurt I've been witnessing in others around me-I have continually been reminded of the importance of what 1 Thessalonians 5: 17 tells us:

"Pray without ceasing."

There will probably be a long ramble later about hurting and battling, but until I can come up with the strength to do that, I'll leave you with this:

Never cease to pray-through every thought, every word, every action. There is so much suffering in this world, and so many looking for something more. We must always remember we are warriors in the greatest war that will ever be fought. Pray, in order that others may consider joining.

May Christ lead you and Mary hold you always.

Gentle Strength

"Nothing is so strong as gentleness. Nothing so gentle as real strength." ~St. Francis de Sales

Proud To Be A Wildcat!

Boy, oh boy! Where do I even begin? God constantly showers us with blessings; but today, I felt like I got caught in the middle of a hurricane. Hurricane Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious to be exact. Ah.....:)

I've been contemplating this whole college thing a lot this week. Now, you see, I am an insanely stubborn person. So naturally, I tend to push this whole future thing to the back of my mind, because it's something I'm not sure about school-wise. But ever since my U of A visit last Friday, next year has been on my mind a lot. There are things I love about Arkansas, and things I love about KSU. There are also a list of things I don't like about both. I'll spare you the boring details, but basically I've been thinking all week that I'll end up at K-State next year. I have two major reasons: my faith and my people. These are the two things that mean more to me than just about anything else-no matter where I'm at or what I'm doing.

My faith: I'm Catholic. The U of A is in Arkansas. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that-Arkansas might possibly be my favorite state ever! Still....I'm a little new to this whole serious level of faith thing, and I feel like that would be asking a bit much of my spiritual warfare skills. I know God could handle it, but it's just a little scary for me. I've also been telling myself for the past year or so that the town I go to school in will have perpetual adoration. I've been really looking forward to it, and it's something that makes my soul smile just to think about. More alone time with Jesus, baby! :)

My people: I absolutely LOVE people. I have a passion for others that I don't have for anything else in my life. I get incredible joy out of serving others-and over the past few months, I've realized I love doing those acts of service in the small, unseen things. Whether it's spending 10 minutes I don't feel I have in adoration for a struggling friend, or talking to that "weird" kid in the hallway (who's really just scared of being hurt again), it feels good to know I'm serving those around me. I realize that at both places, there are great people, and people who are interested in the same things I am. At either school I could make a difference through these small, unseen things. But that's just it: Fayetteville is in the south-the land of amazingly hospitable, incredibly open people. I am not one of those people. I love talking to people, and I love getting to know them. But I am a pretty reserved person (alright, you can stop laughing now and let me finish ;)). What I mean by that (for those of you that still don't believe me), is that I keep to myself. I thrououghly enjoy listening to others, and once we hit it off, I may give you a little bit of info about my own life; but until I've gotten to know you on a deeper level, I don't reveal much. I've always loved Arkansas (I should right? I'm from there, after all!). There are some GREAT people down there among the beautiful landscape. It isn't meant for me, though.

Whew.....I promise I didn't mean to ramble that long! If you made it this far, remind me to give you a gold star next time I see you! And if you want to know what funny "God moment" that confirmed this decision, just ask me about a package I got in the mail-icing on top of my "perfect day" cake. Thanks for listening (reading, whatever), and being amazing, and all that good stuff. For those of you who care: I can officially say I'm proud to be a future Wildcat!

Stay gentle, stay strong, stay His.

Every Moment

I've been writing all day: papers for school, letters to friends, random to-do lists/quotes to myself, and just about anything else you can think of. So I really feel the need to write something sort of semi-meaningful. Just a warning I have no real thoughts prepared. So feel free to hit the pretty little red x in the upper right hand corner of your screen at any time ;)

For the past year or so, I pretty much have one giant headache. I consider myself a pretty pain-tolerant person, and I normally don't say anything when I feel bad-I just kind of roll with it. But apparently I wasn't very good at hiding the pain from my face, so after a few months of my mom acting like she believed the "I'm fine" lies, she finally made me go to the doctor. Now I HATE the doctor's office....seriously. They ran a million tests, and found a couple of minor things that could be causing the constant headache. A few months later and some random medications later, I still get headaches pretty frequently. I'm currently in a knock-down dragout fight with my mother about going to some kind of doctor again, so we'll see how this goes. In the meantime, I shall continue to pay the salaries of all the Excedrin-related workers by my purchases alone. (You think I'm kidding, but sadly I'm probably not that far off.....) Now why would I bore you with my random headache story, you ask? Well to be honest, I'm not a hundred percent sure myself. But I know it's been one crazy weekend, and it feels good to just ramble. Anywho....point: I let that small headache affect me waaaay too much this weekend.

I had the opportunity to tour the U of A campus-a beautiful school, and one that I'm very much considering for next year. Because of some family and friend connections, I was able to meet up with a couple of girls who are currently going there that I had met briefly before. They showed me around, answered my questions, and took me to eat at an adorable little sandwich place. They talked, asked about my interests, tried to find places I would be interested in seeing, and tried to get to know more about me. So what did I do? Well, I answered every question as quickly as I could, shut up, and looked out the window or stared at a tree. My head felt like it was about to explode-and that was all that mattered to me. Forget the amazing stories about Katie's summer in Africa or Hayley's book suggestions; all I wanted was the pain to be gone. It was still a good day, but it could have been a great one. Those girls are two that I look up to for their service more than they will ever know. And I totally blew off the opportunity to connect with them because of a stupid headache.

Really, think about it: How often do we fail to take advantage of an opportunity because it may be uncomfortable? We may have to speak in front of someone we don't know, we may have to research a topic we aren't interested in,we may have to work with someone we don't necessarily want to. But what could we be missing out on? We could gain speaking skills that could help us get a job we want, we could discover a passion for something new, or we could make a new, unexpected friend. Why should we hold ourselves back because something hurts a little?

Our vocation is to love above all else; to love above fear, above doubt, above confusion, above pain. Our Creator sent His only son to be born as one of us. He endured more pain in the time he was here then most of us will ever endure in our lifetime. And you know what? He LOVED-without any kind of reservation. Not a single one of us is deserving of it-yet it keeps coming. Love is great, isn't He?

God is providing in abundance. Stop worrying about the painful things that may be going on in this life-we only get closer to beauty every day! Every moment is an opportunity to live out our vocation. Every moment is a call to Love. When do we decide to answer? Well, that's our own choice.

Peace!

Breathe

Happy Feast of the Archangels! Oh boy, what a great day :)

God loves us. Sometimes, we just have to shut our brains off and stop trying to understand that. I do realize how hard that is, because my brain usually runs 100000 mph-but still.We are loved. There's proof everywhere: beautiful weather, gorgeous flowers, amazing people, bear hugs, wonderful music, and sooooo many others, each created to woo our hearts in a different way. Think about that for a second. Ahh....:) Whether it be in the form of good conversations with old men at the gas station (about simplifying life), or the random desire to play some old piano music, reminders of love are everywhere.

So sit still, breathe, and let your heart be reminded of Love's infinite shower of blessings. Peace!

We Are NOT Okay

I just got back from some wonderful adoration time, for the third day in a row. AWESOME. I don't get the opportunity very often, and even when it's presented, I usually don't take advantage of this beautiful sacrament like I should. But this weekend was a rough one for me. Sunday was a day full of internal battles from the get-go; and as much as I tried to just keep going through the motions, that wasn't going to work this time. Once again, my soul got exactly what it needed. It's like He knows me or something.....

I love adoration. I also love saying that, because it's a new thing for me. In fact, I'll say it again: I LOVE adoration. Like, seriously....we are so blessed. Every minute of every day, Christ is being adored by our brothers and sisters all over the world. We are united in one body, each of us with a different purpose. AWESOME.

This weekend, when I began to see how not okay I really was, I just really really wanted to go to adoration. I thank God for giving me the grace to see I needed Him; because a few months ago, I probably just would have exploded on someone or shut down on God completely for a while.But something about being close to his wonderful sacrifice and letting Him hold me for a while just sounds more appealing these days. It's a pretty effective method of healing hearts, as well ;)

We are NOT okay.Yet, for some reason, we try ridiculously hard to convince ourselves otherwise. Some of us may be struggling more than others, but none of us are really all that hunky-dory. This being human thing really does stink sometimes. But the sooner we see that we aren't alright, the sooner we can start accepting God's healing. Our hearts may be scarred deeply from the past, or just a little sore from the name we got called early today. It doesn't matter how serious the wound is-He cares about them all. We are beautifully broken.

May you find peace in the open arms of Christ, and seek refuge in Him always. Peace.

What a Day!

After today, I have come to the conclusion that we are infinitely, crazily, wonderfully, awesomely, beautifully blessed.

If you're wondering how I came about this conclusion, it's been a crazy day. Let me sum it up for you:

• Mass with my mom and little sister-great homily, visiting priest...fun stuff!
• Random phone call from a couple of beautiful sisters in Christ where I rambled about said mass and about the other excitement(but not really that exciting at all) going on in my life
• District officer workday planning for the conference we're putting on tommorrow-lots of laughs, hugs, and tons of productivity in the form of cheesy flip charts and rhyming skits-WOOHOO!!
• Meeting up again and going out to dinner with the two state FFA officers and the national officer from South Carolina. Yay traveling and new people!
• While at this dinner, I got to chat with Jordan (one of the state officers who I've been blessed to know pretty well), and actually had an interesting, worthwhile conversation. Sometimes, I need reminders that the world isn't totally crazy ;)
• Standing outside in the parking lot of the restaraunt for a good hour laughing, trying South Carolina candy, and telling embarassing stories and moments from school trips
• Bringing the two girls on my district officer team to my house to stay for the night, talking to each other about non-school related topics, and getting to know each other better

So,I pretty much had a day full of great people, great laughs, and good, honest fun. And tommorrow, I get to do it all again! The conference we've been setting up is finally happening-that's right...my high school is about to be invaded by over 400 freshmen FFA members. RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME. In the words of Dr. Suess: "Today was good, today was fun, tomorrow is another one!"

Now, I have a point to my random rambling, I promise. Sort of. I get distracted too easily when I've had such a wonderful day! I'm also feeling the lists tonight. Apparently my brain is stuck in that mode. Anywho:

• Every day is a new chance to let Him take control.
• Every day brings new life, and new opportunity.
• Every day is a day where we could be making a difference in the lives of someone around us, and sharing His Love.
• Every single day; No matter what happened yesterday, or how scary it is to look towards tomorrow.

Let Him lead you by the hand day by day, hour by hour, and moment by moment. His plan makes the present a gift, and the future a mystery. No matter how frustrating that may be to us sometimes, it's true. Allow Him to use you from the moment the sun rises. When it comes time for the sun to set, you won't be disappointed.

Little Flowers of Life!

"If God so clothes the grass of the field, which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith?" ~Matt 6:30~

Hello friend. God is awesome. He will take care of you.

Sometimes, I feel like we all need that reminder. He WILL take care of us: whether that's in a beautiful sunrise, a good conversation with a friend, an easy quiz in that hard class, or the smile on the face of someone who hasn't smiled in a while. God provides.....always.

God provides for us even when it doesn't feel like it. When things are dark and scary, He is there holding us close, carrying us to beauty. When we really don't care anymore, or stubbornly try to provide all we have for ourselves-God provides. We are irreplaceable in the eyes of our Creator, and have been made with purpose; a purpose that (you guessed it!) God provides. He sent His only Son down to this earth to endure suffering and death in order to provide forgiveness for our sins.

Today in my floral design class we made floral "cupcakes," which consisted of a cute little homemade foam flower pot and some fresh flowers on top as the "icing." I decided to give mine to a friend who's been having some trouble. I was looking for a relevent verse to put with the flowers when I gave them to her, and this is what I found (thank you, google search box). Which encouraged me to open my bible, which brought about some good thoughts......that book really does have all the answers ;)

But really, think about it: He provides the grass and fields of the earth with the fresh, beautiful, breathtaking flowers of all shapes and sizes. He provides them with water, sunlight, and the proper nutrients to grow. He allows their beauty to shower upon the dull grass and the brown dust. Imagine what He provides for us. Just like the flower needs things that can't be seen, so do we. God provides. He nurtures our hearts and our minds with daily battles and victories. He nurtures our body with food grown by our brothers and sisters. He nurtures our soul with His own flesh and blood, given freely for us. What more could we ask for? We see reminders of His love everywhere, if we only keep our eyes open. We were created in His image, and He would provide us with nothing less than His marvelous plan. We don't deserve to be provided for, nor will we ever. Yet He provides anyway.....always.

God is awesome. He will take care of you.

Peace!

Good Reminders from Mass

Oh, I do love beautiful little reminders of Love! Tonight at mass, between what Father was saying and what the Holy Spirit was pouring into my brain, I was reminded of some pretty wonderful things:

• The root of the word forgiveness comes from the Latin word perdonare. It means "to give completely without reservation".........AWESOME.
• God forgives our sins completely-enough to die for them. When sacrificing Himself on the cross, He held nothing back. Our every sin was forgiven. Every last drop of sweat and blood was given for us.
• Living for Christ means we don't just acknowledge what's been done for us, but we try to duplicate that perfect Love in the way we treat others.
• Not only did our God sacrifice by coming down to this Earth and crucifying our sins on Calvary; He gives to us regularly in the blessed sacraments. He gives Himself willingly, totally, and unceasingly. He gives us Love with NO RESERVATIONS.

Ah.....God is so unbelievably good to us. May you always seek to forgive as we have been forgiven, and to hold nothing back.

Bearing our Crosses

I have had a crazy amount of time to do nothing this weekend. By that, I mean I've finally decided to be a semi-normal student by putting off all my homework until Monday of this three-day weekend. And to be honest with you, it feels kind of good :) I'm just not used to having free time...at all...ever. So this week has been quite a nice little break. I've been going to school and doing all the homework,etc-but most of our activities haven't gotten into full swing yet, and I've pretty much been picking up my little sister and doing whatever random little things my family needs me to after school. Yay for having time to think! Even so, I am beyond ready for all the craziness of life during the school year to start up again. This summer was EXACTLY what I needed, and I feel like I learned more about my faith and myself than I ever thought possible in that short time frame....Blessed be God :) In saying this, here is what I've come up with:

I am ready to be tested.

That's right.....that just happened. I-Ellen Walker, the biggest weenie on this planet-am ready to be tested. It's ok-I almost had a heart attack myself when the Holy Spirit placed this thought in my head ;) Who knew? (Well, God...as usual.) There are a TON of great scripture verses to go with being tested that I would love to share with you, but I can't get to my bible right now without disturbing lots of sleeping people. So I'll let you look those up, and this can be somewhat interactive ;) Anywho, point:

You never truly find out what you're made of until you're tested. Think about it: You can practice and practice defending your siblings on the basketball court in your driveway; but you never really know how you'll hold up in a game until you're put on your home court standing between your opponent and the state-qualifying shot. You can practice that speech a million times in front of the bathroom mirror, but presenting for the judges is a totally different story. It's easy to live our lives for Christ when everything seems to be going smoothly. But what happens when we're tested? Do we stay open to His light, even when everything around us seems to be enveloped in darkness?

We all have crosses to bear. They come at all different times, in all sorts of shapes and sizes. It's easy to carry the weight of the cross when we have lots of help, great conditions, and plenty of strength. Anyone can do that. What makes us who we are is what we do when the cross gets heavy, when we ache from loneliness, and when we have what feels like no strength left to fight the darkness. It truly is the tests that strengthen us beyond what we could ever imagine. It is in carrying these crosses that we share in the sufferings of Christ. We lose ourselves in the pain, and allow Him to guide us when we can go no further. Our lives, as well as the lives of those around us are forever changed because we allow ourselves to be a living sacrifice. Only in sharing in His suffering can we be led to the glory of new life. We must cling to the cross. It's our salvation.

May you cling to the cross with everything you are. Peace.

Oh Boy....Joy!

Oh, how I've missed being joyful! Right now, I feel like jumping,or running,or singing a joyful song while cruising with my windows down! Ok, so I actually did do that last one ;) This last week hasn't been a tough one by any means-it just kind of happened. I was just existing. Then came today....spiritual warfare much? Not really sure what happened or how it got started, but this human thing is rough sometimes.

We forget that there is something more than what we're dealing with here and now. We forget that there is a WONDERFUL God who loves us, and is constantly fighting for us. We forget that we have reason to be joyful in our hearts-even when it seems so dark around us. We forget to open the eyes to the light of our faith surrounding us.

May you never forget to look for the shower of blessings raining down. Peace!

Oh, English....

I had a conversation this morning with a club sponsor of mine about how random my brain is, and how I can relate just about any random thing to the topic on my mind. It made me laugh, but it's totally true! So today as I went through my schedule, I noticed how much I actually do that-how much I have good conversations with myself (and more enjoyably, with God) about the little events of everyday life. Makes things more interesting ;)

Today, I had English class. Mind-blowing, I know.....not like it happens for 90 minutes every other weekday or anything, right? Anyways-I have a point, I promise: We're beginning to read Beowulf. Now, my particular English class consists of about 2 people who at least attempt to stay awake and attentive; the other 25 or so, not so much. So...we read together. Since we're supposed to be taking notes as we discuss, our teacher is the one actually reading and/or explaining the passages. One of the passages was talking about the monster who was angry because the people in the room next to him were praising God. Basically, they were telling the story of Creation. In one of the lines, the book says "...the Eternal Lord..." but on accident, my teacher recited "...the Eternal Love..." instead. The rest of the class probably didn't even catch it, as she quickly corrected herself. But my spastic brain went haywire, and my heart (as well as my face) smiled, so I thought I'd share:

THE ETERNAL LOVE.

As in....

Always has been, always is, and always will be.

Never gives up on us.

Never has a fear or doubt.

Never allows us to journey alone.

Never stops pouring forth Love.

Yes.....He is that awesome.

He isn't through with you yet, nor will He ever be. So walk with your Father, dance with the Love of your life, and let the Spirit guide you always. Peace!

Invitiation to the Banquet

You, dear friends, are being invited to a banquet.
Beautiful decorations, beautiful people, and the best food anyone can imagine.
You see, Love Himself is throwing this marvelous banquet.
You are free to come on one condition: you forget the party you already have planned.
Will you still come?

There's Only Grace

Surrender.

This word has been constantly replaying in my heart and my head for the last few weeks. Currently, I seem to have mush in the part of my brain that's able to form actual explanatory thoughts, so if you want to hear about what's been going on, feel free to ask-maybe I'll post more eventually. But here's a quick sum-up:

• God is ridiculously, awesomely, wonderfully great.


• We aren't.


• Give it up...and by "it," I mean everything.


• Only grace will remain.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKL0QB-_ho0

May you continually strive and pray for the grace necessary to surrender. Peace.

Searching for Peace

First day of my senior year.....welcome back to reality! I was a little (or a lot) scared to go back to that place. I'm not too big a fan of high school in general, and when I left a few months ago for summer, I was NOT in a good place. However, this summer I was opened to receive and was blessed with soooo much grace. The last few months, I've been learning about things a little more important than chemistry and calculus ;) So I figured my first day back would be fairly difficult and challenging in itself. Instead, I had a great day, walking very closely by His side.

I am known to worry: BAD. It seems like I'm constantly doing something; always focusing on what I still need to get done instead of what I've actually accomplished. I just assumed I would start out this year no different-worrying about homework, friends, clubs, and little sister chauffer times. God pleasantly surprised me! While going for my morning walk and praying a rosary, He reminded me of something I heard a while back: Peace is not the absence of conflict.

The school year is definitly a time when peace can be hard to find. It seems there are an infinite number of things to get done RIGHT NOW, no time to actually do them, and a lack of faithful friends close at hand to remind us whose glory we're working for. It's tough-that's a fact. But it's also packed with opportunities: to grow in our faith by relying on God instead of others, to make connections with new people, to learn about our world, and to spread His Love to those who need it most.

No matter what we go through, we should take comfort in the thought that there is more. We should breathe easier knowing that this war that we're fighting is only a part of a near invisible dot on the scale of eternity. Beyond all the chemistry tests, club meetings, sports practices, hectic work schedules, and relationship problems, there is something beautiful and awe-inspiring. There is PEACE.But it doesn't just happen. We are all striving for it-and we will continue to do so daily for the rest of our lives. I mean, we are human, after all ;)

We must pray for the grace and the courage to find peace. Because being peaceful means that in the midst of studying for our finals, planning our upcoming work week, fighting with friends, and fighting a headache,we take a moment to breathe. It means that we stop going crazy for thirty seconds to thank our Lord and let Him know He's done good work; even if it doesn't seem like it to us at the time. Peacefulness is knowing that every trial and suffering we encounter-great or small, overcome or not-can be offered up in order to make a difference somehow.

Peacefulness is more than just being calm, quiet, and serene. Peacefulness consists of being graceful enough to go joyfully and fearlessly through this life, knowing that we are a small dot on the scale of eternity, and that the best we have been created for is yet to come.

May you always be courageous in your search, and remember that we have been made for more. Peace!

No Reservations

Reservation: the act of keeping back, withholding, or setting apart.

We reserve lots of things. We set aside a table at our favorite restaraunt, we keep back what we really want to say to that person who's annoying us, and we withhold the best Halloween candy from our siblings so that we can get our favorite pieces of chocolate. But how often do we reserve pieces of our own heart, trying to hide ourselves from Him?

These past few weeks have been kind of tough for me. I've been working on finding the strength of heart necessary to love out my faith where I'm at in my life. Because of various conflicts in the forms of conference-like weekends, and various conflicts within myself, tonight was the first time I'd been to mass in 3 weeks. Now a year ago, that would have sounded like nothing to me. But as I continue to delve deeper into this beautiful faith, I found myself yearning for that contact. I found myself striving for the grace and the peace that I'm beginning to find in the mass. Tonight, as I came out of that beautiful prayer, my soul was filled with grace and my head was filled with this thought:

He gives Himself to us wholly; with no reservations, only love.

Christ gave Himself in the form of His body when He died on the cross for us. But His Love doesn't stop there. He gives His entire self to each one of us. Every second of every day, we are being showered upon by The Spirit because He gives. We have been blessed with the sacraments, and the wonderful opportunities they provide for us to grow in our faith. We are even able to consume His body and blood in the Eucharist, becoming physically one with Our Lord.

He gives us His entire being. Whether it be in the obvious form of the Eucharist, or in a much-needed conversation with a good friend, we continually recieve the graces provided for us. But what do we provide in return? We are not worthy of the gifts we've been given, nor will we ever be. But that shouldn't stop us from giving back. We don't really deserve to get gifts on our birthday, but we receive them anyways, don't we? And in return, we at least say a simple "Thank you," right? Say a simple thank you to Our Lord. Give of yourself in everything you do, no matter the size. Pray, fast, walk, run, talk, think, and act FOR HIM. In giving of ourselves, we can't help but be completely filled by the fullness of His grace.

"For from him and through him and for him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen." ~Romans 11:33

Give with no reservations.

May you find joy in giving, and may Momma Mary hold you forever in her arms. Peace!

Every Time You Run

So I can't get my thoughts organized enough to write any sort of post right now, so here is a link to the song that's been on repeat this week. I especially enjoy the chorus...so true ;) Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEIvDwrWXGM&feature=related

Prayer for Loved Ones

I found this quote on part of a friend's graduation present the other day. I absolutely LOVED it! Just thought I'd share, because it fits very well into my life. Enjoy!

Dear God,
Thank You for my loved ones, and for choosing me from all others to care for them. Fill me with Your Spirit to share Your warmth and love with my dear ones, and bless them with Your joy,peace, and grace. May we come someday as one family to live with You forever in Heaven.
Amen.

He chose YOU out of all others to care for those in your life. Take courage, and fearlessly impact those around you. May the peace of Christ rule in your hearts always. Peace!

Soundtrack to the Summer of My Soul

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give it to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid." ~John 14:27

This passage pretty much sums up the three main themes of my summer: peace, giving, and fear. I apologize for the length of this post in advance-it's been a long time since I've written, and I've had lots of time to think ;)

PEACE: This has been something I've been thinking about a lot-especially the last few weeks. I've written myself notes about it, and believe me, when the Spirit grants me the mindset to go into that once again, there will be a long post about this alone. But I want you to look at the first sentence of this passage and notice this: "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you." God is the only one who can provide us with peace in this crazy life-peace of mind, peace of heart, and peace of soul. Nothing and no one else in this world can do that for us, despite how hard we try to make it happen. Peace is knowing and trusting with our entire being that our Creator has been, is, and will continue to provide for us exactly what we need most.

GIVING: I'm continually realizing how much I have to give, and how blessed I am to have such wonderful people in my life who constantly give to me. "Not as the world gives do I give it to you." I seriously had a mini freak out moment/huge smile breakout when I read this the other day. How perfectly it applies to my summer is kind of ridiculous! But then again, God does seem to be that way sometimes...;) God provides us with everything we need. He may not give us everything we want, but He ALWAYS provides. And really, what more could we want than to have our deepest needs filled completely by the one who loves us most? He doesn't give to us as the world does. The world give us what we want, when we want it, and in whatever way we can get it. Christ gives us what we truly need (which are also our wants-even when we don't realize it), in the moment we need it most, and in the way that will have the greatest impact on our soul. The world gives us instant satisfaction; He allows us to learn during our trials, awaiting with hope what is to come. As creatures of this world,we give ourselves to others and to Christ with reserve, selfishly holding back part of ourselves to use as we wish. He gives himself ENTIRELY for us. He cares about every aspect of our lives, down to the smallest details. He gave His body on the cross, enduring both the physical and spiritual pain without the slightest complaint. This world gives us speed bumps; Christ gives us Everest.

FEAR: One phrase I've been hearing constantly this summer-both from friends and in my own conscience-has been this: "Be not afraid." Yeah....much easier said than done, I know. Fear is something that I've struggled with every since I can remember-both rational and irrational, but mostly in my faith. There have been many times in my life where I've felt like I'm engaging in this beautiful faith alone, and some of those moments can be pretty discouraging. We all feel lonely at some point-I mean, we need others. It's as simple as that. But sometimes we forget that there is something bigger than ourselves that we're fighting for. We are in the ultimate war; a constant, never-ending battle for souls. And if we fear, we're allowing ourselves to lose by default. For example: I get sooo much out of watching others show their faith. It encourages me, and gives me the hope I need to be courageous in my own. I'm not talking about preaching to a lost friend, or talking someone out of a murder, either. I mean things like kneeling with respect, and being visibly reverent and thankful during communion. Who knows what those little acts of faith can do for someone who needs hope-only God knows how many times may day has been turned around for the better by a kind smile or a good bear hug. We have much more to fear in this life than the little things, so why worry about those? Put on His armor, and go out into the world fearlessly, knowing that He is with you always.

Peace, Giving, and Fear-the soundtrack to the summer of my soul. I hope you take something away from what I've learned this summer, and apply it to your own lives. May you find rest in Him, and may Momma Mary be guiding you always on your journey. Peace.

Adversity

"One blessed be God in times of adversity is worth more than a thousand acts of gratitude in times of prosperity." -St. John of Avila

Life...It's Complicated

Random Facebook inspiration! Here we go: Life. As in babies. As in beautiful creatures. As in God's work.

I just got on Facebook to-let's face it-waste some time. Funny how God makes sure we even do little things like check our profiles at the right times. I saw a post about a friend of mine and her pregnancy-which reminded me of something else I've been thinking about for a while now. LIFE.
I've always enjoyed working with young kids. They're so easily amazed, and overjoyed with the little things in life. They see the beauty of the small parts of God's creation. And they never fail to make me smile :)

I have a couple of friends that are/will soon be experiencing what it's like to be a mother. The two that I am closest with are very young (recently graduated high school), and not married. Because of this, many people look down on their situations and choose to act like it's not happening or choose to end friendships with them. But they continue to do what they know is right, and accept the cards that have been dealt to them. These women have chosen to stay strong and ignore harsh judgement. And whether they know it or not, these woman are experiencing something amazing. They have life inside of them. They are the ones who are providing love and care to some of His newest creations. They are the instrument that God is using to begin a child's song.

I've been thinking alot about how complex our lives are, and how great God has to be to do it all. I will most likely post more about this topic later, because right now my brain is full of ideas but my energy level is slowly draining. But really, think about it. The complexity of our bodies, our souls, our minds, and every aspect of our lives is ASTOUNDING. My sister, my dad, and I went on a road trip for the 4th of July, and I had my head phones in. I'd been quiet for a while, and I decided to (sneakily) pause my ipod and tune into the conversation the other two were having and see if it was more interesting than my music. I quickly realized the topic of today's car ride was religion-something that I have a different view on than them. I decided to stay out of it, but before I could unpause my ipod, my dad said something that's stuck with me, and pretty well sums up what I'm getting at. "I don't believe God is as present in our daily lives as some people believe, but look at our world: look at how complex it is. Our bodies, our relationships, our lives. Look at all the details of them. How could that just come out of some random explosion?" Although we think of our faith very differently, my dad makes some very valid points about creation ;)

Anyways....point of my random Facebook explanation: God did good work. And He will continue to do good work. Love Him. Praise Him. Thank Him for this crazy complicated life.

Yay Lists!

Warning: This will probably be one of the most random blog posts I will ever write.

This past week I've been camped out at our county fair-not that big of a deal, right? Unless you're involved in 4H/FFA....then it's one of the best weeks of the summer-especially for those crazies of us that move in on Thursday and don't leave the fairgrounds until the following Tuesday. It was a week filled with poop-scooping, sweating, helping others, making new friends, playing cards, and taking down livestock pens/shoveling sand at 2 a.m. I told you, we're crazy. But my week was also filled with many blessings. If I had some sort of internet access, you probably would have heard a great many ramblings in detail a lot sooner. And you probably will at some point after I can get an actual night of sleep and another shower (for those of you who haven't realized this yet, those things are AMAZING. Go stay a week in a 1964 Airstream trailer-you'll feel blessed ;)) I warned you-random. Anyways...since I'm so good at making lists (I get lots of practice) and I can't get my brain to focus long enough to complete a post, here goes nothing:

• God is good, and hard work pays off. Doing hard work for God pays off even more.


• Solidarity is a great thing. When given the chance, always choose to get to know someone more. Definitely more on that great word later.


• Having a relationship with Momma Mary is very helpful and fulfilling indeed.


• Every action we take should be done with courage, no matter the size.


• Trusting that everything is under control is terrifyingly difficult...but necessary.

May you never stop learning. Peace, friends.

Ice Skating

Oh, the joys of babysitting! I have been blessed this summer with being able to spend time with two of the most adorable girls I could ever imagine. Katie, who is eleven, likes to make up metaphors to go with random things (this is probably why we get along so well). So today, as we were debating whether we wanted to make our ramen noodles by microwave or stovetop, this is what she threw at me:

"It's kind of like ice skating. You can use the tight skates that are really easy to skate in but hurt your feet, or you can use the softer skates that are hard to skate in but feel REALLY good on your feet."

Wow....thanks God.

Ice skating....living out our faith....close enough, right? I mean, think about it. There are two choices of ice skates, and there are really two choices for how we live our lives: We can choose to follow the ways of the world, or we can choose to follow the ways of our faith and the wonderful plan God has in store for us.

Following the ways of the world is very easy....and very tempting. There are a million different objects and a million different ideas pulling us in a million different directions. This world trains us to think only of ourselves and no one else. We are continually bombarded with advertisements and peer encouragement to make us happy, to make us feel good about ourselves, and to satisfy us. It is easy to fall into the habits of immodesty, lies, and seemingly immortality that the world offers. The ways of the world seem like a tight fit and are much easier to skate through this life in. But they HURT. Maybe not immediately-but they leave terrible scars....loneliness, desperation, longing for joy, longing for peace, longing for hope. The ways of this world are easy to skate in, but leave our souls longing for more.

To step out and follow the plan that's been created for us is SCARY. I will be the first one to admit that. The idea of putting on the more difficult ice skates scares the living heck out of me-and I know for a fact I'm not the only one. God's plan for us involves much worldly suffering, and a few faceplants in the ice rink. It's not easy to say no to what others are doing, to keep up a holy lifestyle when surrounded with nonbelievers, or sometimes, even to keep up hope. Following our faith will result in getting made fun of, put down, being fearful, and sometimes feeling alone in this world. But you know what? At the end of this life, the skate of faith feels REALLY good on our souls. If we stick with it through the worldly blisters and pain, we will discover things we could only find on these skates.......peace, joy, humility, love, and so many more.

My friends, we have a choice. Not once, but daily. Each morning when you get up, think about one thing for me:

"What skates will you wear today?"

The View of a Lifetime

Stars:

Everyone sees them differently, depending on from where they are looking up. Each one is a different shape, a different size, and a different strength. One star alone is beautiful, but together they make an inspiring sight to see. One star guides in the right direction, slowly leading the eye to a breathe-taking masterpiece.

In that same way, we slowly lead one another out of darkness into a clear view of not only light....but beauty. Silently, boldly, fearlessly. We show the world what we already know: That this world is NOT just about us. There are people out there who need stars....need light....need beauty....need YOU.

Be that star guiding others towards the view of a lifetime.

Greater Than We Could Ever Imagine

We've all experienced at least one awe-inspiring moment in our lives, right? Where everything is perfect, and it's all we could ever want, plus more? FALSE......we have no idea.

God is beyond us. His plans for us are greater than we could ever imagine, more awesome than anything we will ever see with our own eyes, and more hopeful than even the cheesiest hallmark card. That's right....I went there.

There are times in our life when we're really struggling, times when we are content, times when we are hopeful, and even times when we are happy. Makes for a pretty interesting ride, doesn't it? I mean, think about your life up to this point-go back to just one year ago. Where were you? What were you doing? How were you living your life? And my personal favorite: Who was on your journey with you? Those answers are a little different, right? ;) And that's only one year.....imagine what He will do with eternity!

We can't PLAN out what we want God to do in our lives. For me, this concept can be especially hard to grasp at times. I am an overly-efficient, crazy productive person most of the time. But somehow-no matter how I prepare-God always makes changes to those grand ole plans. And as much as I hate it, I'm beginning to love it, too. Because as much as a hate seeing my original, highly efficient plans go out the window, God's always top those. Let's say I plan on going to the lake with my family on Saturday; God somehow makes sure that I get to stay home and go on Sunday instead, allowing me to attend mass and recieve Him. I plan to work the March TEC retreat; God makes sure that I'm selected for the June weekend, with some people that I needed to have put in my lives. I plan to go to Totus Tuus at my parish; God plans for me to be out of town at an FFA event. We'll see how this one plays out ;) Seeing a theme here?

Moral of the story:

• Don't plan around God...you WILL lose.


• Don't think you've seen everything there is to see...your eyes are barely open.

But most importantly......never lose hope. God's plans for us are greater than we could ever imagine, more awesome than anything we will ever see with our own eyes, and more hopeful than even the cheesiest Hallmark card.

Visible Steps of Faith

"Have no fear of moving into the unknown. Simply step out fearlessly,knowing that I am with you, therefore no harm can befall you; all is very, very well. Do this in complete faith and confidence." ~Pope John Paul II

Yes, I know it's easier said than done. But hey, my blogs about it so it must mean something to me, right? Well let me tell ya, this pretty much sums up my life lately.

Long story short I've been feeling amazing inside, and dancing my heart out with God. My soul is singing! It is absolutely beautiful. But I still have a ton of work to do with my faith (we just keep learning!), because I'm scared to let others see my faith. How dumb is that? I mean, I don't have the most supportive family in the world, but they would by no means be ashamed of me or put me down in any way if I lived out my faith more prominantly. And really, what's the worst that could happen? They use me as an example?-Oh no! Geez....I'm pathetic. But I'm also human...and God loves me anyway :)

It's the little things like staying kneeled down a little longer at mass, or closing my eyes when I pray that scare me the most. I mean, I want to so bad. I want to stay kneeling before the blessed sacrament, because I can feel Him there, and He deserves for me to be on my knees. I want to close my eyes and let the Spirit guide me in prayer. I want to reach over and touch that person sitting beside me who looks like they are struggling-I really do! And in my heart, I know it's what God is calling me to do. But why do I keep refusing? Because I'm scared. I'm scared to put my faith out there for others to see-because I don't want to be labeled as that "church girl," written off as different, or watched by everyone in mass from now on. I'm scared of trying to make a difference, and finding out I can't. But who isn't?

I'm learning-with the help of God and a couple of REALLY great friends to chat with-that He will provide. There is always something better around the next corner, even when we think we have all we could ever want right here in the present.

That unknown territory is faith....take the first visible step.

Extraordinary Influences

"Do not let mediocrity get you down! Be extraordinary. Most importantly, help others be the
same. You officially have the influence to do so."

This is some of the best and worst advice I've ever been given, all rolled into a few sentences. I LOVE the first three sentences-especially the third one. Fourth sentence...not a fan. Let me explain: This was part of a congratulatory email from an FFA friend of mine. I had been recently elected to the position of President for our district this coming year, and she had held that same office just last year.

These words are so true. We can't let "average" bring us down if we want to be something more. And let's face it-there is a lot of average in our lives. We have to put in the "extra" in order to truly be extraordinary. But more importantly than anything else, we have to help others cross over that barrier and become better than they thought possible. We can do this by leading through example. We can give a kind word, and a sincere smile. Or-better yet-we can be a believer, an encourager, and a friend.

Now to the part of this lovely advice I'm not in such grand agreement with: "You officially have the influence to do so. " What does that even mean?! I mean, sure I have the new jacket that says South Central District on the back instead of Arkansas City. I have a shiny new President's pin to wear to FFA events, and I have a few more opportunities to put in my vote on how the organization will run nexy year. But other than that, I'm still Ellen Walker. Putting on that jacket in no way changes who I am. I've always had the influence to make others be extraordinary-just like you do.

There is always someone who needs your influence, and who needs YOUR talents and abilities. You wouldn't have been given them otherwise. I mean, think about it: The people who make the most difference in our lives aren't the ones with the highest titles. They are the ones who sincerely take our interests to heart. They laugh at our jokes, smile at us when we're down, and maybe, just maybe, know what Sonic drink to bring us when it hasn't exactly been the best week. Most of us won't ever really get to know a movie star, a professional athlete, or the President. But all of us will get to know the people who have been placed in our lives. And we can make a difference in the lives of those people. By being placed onto this Earth, we've officially been given the influence to do so.

Smacked in the Face with a Train

Today, God gave me a train.

What?! No, I'm not crazy (well, technically, anyways ;)), and I don't mean that God gave me a train with a bow on it wrapped up on my front doorstep, or that it suddenly rained down trains in Ark City, America. What I mean is that my Creator,once again, gave me exactly what I needed, when I needed it.

It's been a crazy week! Amazing, not so hot, and everything in between. Today was especially crazy in my conversation with God department. Nothing special really happened, it was just one of those days. My family isn't the most supportive of faith-not just mine, but any kind really-and I've been getting very annoyed with little comments and the way we live our lives. They can't see what I see, and instead of striving for more, they settle for living selfishly like most of us do....but thats a whole other ramble ;) For now, back to the train:

Tonight I was feeling...empty, I guess. Because of the whole family thing, and because I haven't had the best of luck with my friends lately, I hadn't really talked to God. I did the prayers I have been doing daily as a sacrifice for the upcoming TEC retreat-but not with any kind of heart. Believe me, they were just words. I did them first thing this morning so I could get them over with too. Basically, I was trying to hide from the one who knows everything. Dumb, right? And I decided that I didn't really need to talk to Him-I could handle my spiritual life just like I'd always done-on my own. That dang human thing....:)

So on my way home I got stopped by a train. Nothing too unusual-this happens all the time on the way to my house from town. Except usually, the trains last two or three minutes, max. Then the train moves on, and my crazy life resumes. Normally I appreciate these little "breaks." I can listen to some music, sit still for a second without thinking about driving, and just breathe. But tonight, I wasn't such a fan. I just wanted to get home, crawl in my bed, and escape. Don't worry...God had other plans. You see, when you have a few moments of silence between you and the maker of the universe, it's kind of impossible to avoid Him. God always seems to be able to break that silence without saying anything! So after ten minutes of this awkward silence, I got mad. I'd been having such a great couple of weeks with my faith-why did it have to go like this? Why must I always do it on my own?! Another ten minutes of anger went by before I decided I was going to try to fix it. "Fine God, I'll do night prayer. It won't be heartfelt, but at least it will be something." And, as you would imagine, night prayer ensued-in my truck at a train stop. You betcha, I'm Catholic. This took about....ten minutes. So this train stayed stopped for THIRTY minutes! He had put an extension on the 2-3 minute train wait so that I would finally give up and talk to Him. Greatest part was, as soon as I said "Amen," the train began to move again :)

The rest of my short drive home, I was blessed with songs on the radio from Switchfoot, Matthew West, and Tenth Avenue North-three of my favorite artists ever! So....win, win :) I took the long way home, praising Him, and thanking Him for cracking my stubborn shell.

People, don't try to avoid God. There's no point-he already knows everything anyways. But if you're human and do decide to be stubborn occasionally...just be prepared for a smack in the face with a train :)

Choo choo, Father..........choo choo!

Striving for Peace

May today there be peace within you.

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.

May you be content knowing that you are a child of God.

Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise, and love.

It is there for each and every one of us.

~St. Therese of Lisieux

This is one of my all-time favorite quotes-and coming from me, the quote nerd-that means a lot! It makes peace seem so...simple. If it's there for each and every one of us, why in the world do we strive so long and hard for it in our lives?

You know those times when you're really, really sleep deprived, but you feel sooooo awake because you just keep doing things that are keeping you busy? You don't realize how tired you actually are until you sit down and begin to rest-then you usually crash, right? Well, that's kind of what striving for peace feels like to me. There are some days when I'm so set on being productive and getting things done that I forget to remember what I already accomplished. I feel like I'm doing nothing until I make myself sit still and reflect back on all I've been doing. We strive so long and hard for peace in our lives, and we just make it that much more difficult to actually attain.

You are a child of God. Our Father, the Creator of the universe, WILL take care of you-in more beautifully complex ways than you could ever imagine.

Still your soul, and strive for peace in that concept!

Shovels vs. Snuggies

Say you were going through a hard time, and your friend decided they were going to do something for you. Would you rather them say "I've been offering up the 2 hours a day I spend poop scooping," or "I've been offering up the 2 hours a day I spend wrapped in a blanket watching movies?"

I would go with the first option. Not as pleasant, not as easy, and not a very common offering. But that's exactly why I would want someone to offer it up for me. Now, in reality, nobody will spend 2 hours a day poop-scooping- that's what I've been doing and will continue to do for the next month (thank you Cowley County 4H!),so it was on my mind. But really.....would you rather know that someone is sitting and being lazy for you as an "offering," or offering up their blood, sweat, and tears doing something that they really don't consider to be very pleasant? Hmm....

God picks the same answer you just did. He doesn't care that we aren't perfect-He cares that we care. And an offering of sweat and hardship will mean more to Him than an offering of coasting. Because in hard times, we learn what we're made of. And if we can give glory to God through those little hardships of life (like scooping poop), just imagine the marvelous things He can do with our offerings of deeper troubles-relationships, jobs, school, etc.

So next time you feel like a poop-scooper, just remember that your shovel and seat make a much better offering to Our Lord than snuggies and a bowl of popcorn ever could ;)

"Friends"

I've been on this kick lately-like, my brain just won't shut off....ever. Not that this is an unusual occurance, but my brain usually doesn't focus on just one thing at a time :D So here is the topic of interest of late: Friends

I'm at kind of a weird place right now when it comes to the people in my life. I have those "friends" that I've had since early middle school, or maybe even elementary school, and I have those that I've met within the last 3 years of high school. And then.....I have my real friends. Now I don't mean this to sound hurtful in any way, shape, or form. But that's honestly how I feel. Don't get me wrong-those friends I have in my own town are amazing people. They are those who make my everyday life the way it is, and who have helped shape me into the person I am today. So why do I feel like I'm hiding part of myself every time I get around them? I mean, of course we have fun! We bowl, watch movies, go to the major Ark City attractions of Walmart and Sonic, and hang out everywhere in between! But to me, there's still something missing. I know that if I ever have trouble with homework, need a stress-relief sonic run, or even lose a loved one, that they would be there for me in a heartbeat. But when it comes to me having trouble with my faith-whether that be faith in God, faith in myself, or faith in others-they just won't understand. I'm continually finding out that those I call my real friends are those who draw me to things greater than myself. They challenge me in my faith. We may not see each other daily, weekly, or even for months at a time, but I know that if I ever need ANYTHING-from frozen yogurt to fighting spiritual warfare-they will be standing right behind me. And for that, I am thankful every single day. So I challenge you to identify some real friends in your life-ones those you have talked to today or years ago today-and tell them thank you. Because trust me, those who draw you towards something greater are rare. And if you have even a single person who is willing to help you fight those battles within yourself, well, you're luckier than most. Take this blessing, and make use of it. Thank those in your life who are there for you, and try your hardest to be there for those in your own.

Dancing With God

Sisters in Christ:

"Dance with God, and He'll let the perfect man cut in."

I know you've heard this before, but I absolutely love it. And the past few days, I'm realizing just how fulfilling this dance can be.

I have a few close girlfriends who are in serious dating relationships. And they always seem to be having issues-not all of them at the same time, not all of them all of the time-but someone most of the time. Which is fine! It really doesn't bug me-I'm not complaining I promise! It's just that by being the odd one out who is single (and loving it, btw), I get to hear many sides of many stories. And I try my best to listen patiently. But sometimes I just want to grab the shoulders of my friends and shake some sense into them! Don't they see what's being offered to them? Don't you see what's being offered to you?

God is offering you a love story. He will never leave you. He will never hurt you.

Now, when I say He's offering you a love story, I mean exactly that. He's offering you the chance to be completely and totally fulfilled. Today, I was driving home from our band concert. It was a great evening, and I just couldn't stop thinking about how blessed I am. I'd been thinking a lot about dancing with God, so this just went right along with the theme of my inner-ramblings. The sky, the music on my radio, the air coming in through the windows....it all made me smile. Uncontrollably. Because He was providing me with it all. Because He loves me so much that He wanted to surprise me with a beautiful gift for making it through the last couple of tough weeks. He offers the love story daily. He gives us beautiful sunrises, and sunsets that take our breath away. He gives us the stars and the night sky (my personal fav) so that we might be in awe of His wonder. The flowers that bloom in the spring are his invitation to Tango, and the harvest moon to slow dance. The beauty we see in others, and the people we are blessed with in our lives are all small surprises He throws in to keep the relationship strong. He is inviting you-all you have to do is dance!

God is offering you a love story. He will never leave you. He will never hurt you.

Now, when I say that He will never leave you, I mean just that. He won't run off chasing some woman who better suits His needs. He wants you, and only you. He created you so you could be His! He is pursuing you in your very own way, and will never give up that pursuit. He won't get scared of getting in too deep, or getting "too serious." He won't. That's not to say sometimes it won't feel like you're alone. There will be times when you feel like you have no one-and you may not on this Earth. But you have a lover, a father, and a friend watching over you always, just to make sure you don't lose your step.

God is offering you a love story. He will never leave you. He will never hurt you.

Now, when I say that He'll never hurt you-I tell the truth! He won't break your heart, He won't hit you, and He won't pressure you to do anything you aren't ready for. There will be times when you're broken on the ground, and it seems like you will never be able to get back up. It may seem like you've been hurt beyond repair. He will never hurt you. The world may hurt you by rejecting Him or rejecting you. Relationships may hurt you because you get in too deep, or you're scared. But He will never hurt you.

God if offering you a love story. He will never leave you. He will never hurt you.

My point is, sisters, that no matter what happens in this life-no matter what kind of relationships you have, or how many relationships work or don't work-you always have one. And it's by far the most important one you'll ever have. In fact, it's the only relationship you should ever center your life around. And in those moments when you manage to get it right, that relationship will be the most fulfilling one you have ever and will ever experience.

So start taking lessons, ladies. Get ready for the dance of a lifetime!

Holy Thursday

Holy Thursday. If you're like me, it's just another looooong mass-actually, almost twice as long, because bilingual masses are held as one. It may seem unnecessary, or boring. Does it seem like it' s repeating everything you already know? Well....yep, that about sums up how I generally felt about all Easter weekend masses-long, boring, and pointless. But this year, I've grown an unbelievable amount in my faith-and last night, it hit me that I don't know everything about this faith, nor will I ever know. And that is why it's so beautiful. Especially what happened Holy Thursday.

The Eucharist. That's what I want to write about. I've always known it's His body and blood, and that He gave it up for us. I guess I just never really knew what all that entailed. The night before He died, he washed the apostles' feet. The creator of the universe washed the feet of the ones He had created in His image! He invoked the priesthood-something that, to me, is one of the more awesome parts of this faith, and something that should be thought about more and honored by everyone. He washed their feet so that when they carried on His works, they would do it as clean men. Then, He did something none of us can understand completely-nor should we try. While He was still alive, He gave up Himself back to us in the form of His own body and blood. Yes, we know He died a very painful death and suffered greatly on the cross to pay for our sins. But that's preached everywhere-even non-christians know that. What makes this night my new favorite is that He gave HIMSELF. Literally-not giving of Himself in prayer, service, or miracles,but really giving His body back to us each time a priest (with newly cleaned feet) consecrated a measly piece of bread and a cup of wine. He allows Himself to be received by all, and brought into this life again on a daily basis. He suffered through terrifying thoughts of what would happen tommorrow, to prepare a better life for us today. Imagine you've gotten sick, and the doctor says you won't make it past tommorrow night. What would you do? Go home, visit with your family and friends, reflect on the good things in your life, and try to end it peacefully? Because that's what a lot of us would do. But He knew what was going to happen to Him-He even knew that some of those "priests" He had put into place would soon deny Him. Yet He continued to give of Himself-and more importantly, to give of His father-until His very last breath. The one thing that stuck in my mind solid from all of the Holy Thursday readings was this, and I want you to think about it honestly. Consider it, reflect on it, and, next time you chat with Him, say thank you. Because this is what He's asking us daily:

"Do you realize what I've done for you?" John 13:12

Let's show Him we know what He's done for us but he way we live our lives.